Dende's life
by Dreamer16
Summary: Dende- Oh I can't say here! Just read! Completed


NOT FOR THOSE UNDER THE AGE OF 13! LOOK AWAY LITTLE KIDDIES!

* * *

Dende stood at the edge of the look-out, searching the cheaply coloured horizon as if it held an answer. Something was troubling his mind the way Master Roshi pesters a pretty girl. It was a question that had been annoying him for sometime now and it was the only thing in his boring life that got under his green skin. He sighed in frustration and kicked a hairy looking plant of Mr Popo's over the edge. 

"Hey what is it, Kid?" asked Piccolo, landing near by. Piccolo came with the abitliy to read people's emotions, so Dende's frustration had been known to him for sometime. It was just now he finally felt like he should help...

"Piccolo, can I ask you a question?" asked Dende, turning and staring at Piccolo with inquiring air.

"Depends..."

"On what?"

"If I can answer it. Ask away, Kid."

"OK... Piccolo ... what's sex?"

Piccolo sweat-dropped and turned a nice shade of purple. He put his hand behind his neck and laughed nervously.

"Well, its wh--when er..."

_Crap, why'd I ask? _thought Piccolo.

_'Tell him what you know...'_ came Kami's wise voice, like a whisper, from the back of Piccolo's head.

_'Yeah! I mean as if you don't know what sex is Piccolo,'_ said Nail's echoing voice, tucked away in that place with Kami. _'I know about those nose bleeds that female doctor of yours check out...'_

"HOW DO-?!" shouted Piccolo suddenly, startling Dende. Piccolo clapped his hands over his mouth and hissed metally, at Nail, _'Doctor? What doctor?'_

"Piccolo?" asked Dende.

_'You know, me and Kami kind of are still around even when we're not talking to you. So there is no use lying.'_

_'YOU WATCH?!'_

_'Oh, come on. I'm not perverted!'_

_'Em ... Piccolo, Dende's still there,'_ croaked Kami's voice.

"Um ... Piccolo?" asked Dende, Piccolo just stared ahead deep in thought.

_'Oh Piccolo...'_ sqeaked Nail in a girl's voice.

Having found the others no help it looked like Piccolo would have to explain himself. "Yeah... er... sex ... em its when... Well... er... you see... you know... the birds and the bees?"

Dende shook his head. "Do you not know either?"

Piccolo almost fell over. "Eh... yeah."

Dende sighed. "It's all right, Piccolo. I'll just have to ask Mr. Popo instead."

Mr. Popo was cutting the brown rotten leaves off his most prized plant, as it had just bloomed. It only bloomed every 40 years, but when it did bloom, apart from being very beautiful, it was a bugger to look after. There was only one other of the same plant in the rest of the universe. 24/7 care is what the flower needed along with constant trimming. If there was too many dead leaves the whole plant would die, but roughly 5 leaves died each hour. So this meant snip, snip, snip all day long but that didn't matter to Mr. Popo. He had no social life anyway and needed no sleep.

"One more... leaf," he muttered to himself. He needed to concentrate, that meant no interruptions. All of his attention was on the plant. This plant was his life after all.

"Mr. Popo can I ask you something?" Dende said quietly but it startled Mr. Popo.

Snip!

"SSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTT!" screamed Mr. Popo uncharacteristically. "MY MOST -PRIZED- FLOWER!" he choked holding one half of it, while the other half was still in the ground.

"OkoknotnowIguess," mumbled Dende running away.

"Who can I ask?" Dende murmured himself, while sitting at the edge of the lookout.

"Hello, Dende, heir of my throne..." said an old voice.

Dende twisted around to see Piccolo.

"Piccolo? What you talking about?"

"I am not Piccolo, I am Kami!" When greeted by a confused look he added, "Piccolo fused with me before you came to Earth. I was his father, in a sense... Anyway you want to know about-"

"Sex, yeah. Is it some kinda dance or something?"

Kami sweat-dropped. "Oh boy," he muttered to himself. "No its not a danc- How am I gonna explain?"

_'For Pete's sake! I thought ya knew, old fart,'_ growled Piccolo. _'Give me my body back!'_

_'I do...'_

_'Hang on, Piccolo,'_ came Nail's voice. _'I visited Planet Playboy when I was alive... I could explain... things to, Dende.'_

_'If you try to explain it Nail, I think it would mentally scar Dende,'_ said Piccolo.

_'At least I'm not embarrassed to explain it.'_

_'I'm not embarrassed to explain it... its just its hard ...'_

_'Oh God, he wants you to explain not give him visual aid.'_

_'I meant sex is hard to explain!'_

_'Yeah, yeah sure.'_

"Mr. Kami?" said Dende.

"Er, yeah, hang on a minute, sonny..." said Kami thoughtfully.

Goku then appeared on the look-out with two fingers on his forehead.

"Hey Piccolo, hey Dende!" said Goku cheerily waving. "What's up?"

"I want to know what sex is and Piccolo's acting weird. Really weird," Dende explained.

"That's unusual. Sex. Why do you wanna know about sex, Dende?" asked Goku, his face innocent.

"No reason," he lied.

"Right... Hmmm. Well you see its..."

Half an hour, 1 sausage, 1 garden hose, 1 condom later

"Oh I see," said Dende. "So... sex it putting a condom on a sausage and shoving it up a garden hose..."

Goku fell over. "I think you missed the point Dende," he said standing up.

"Hhhmmm..."

Piccolo had got his body back from Kami. He stood leaning against the wall watching Goku trying to explain. He was trying very hard to not burst out laughing.

"Ha!" said Goku. "I got it. Its like a race!"

"A race?"

"Yeah you see there's eggs, they're kind of the prize..."

5 minutes, 1 Ken, 1 Barie later

"Right," said Dende. "So sex is Ken and Barie and ken squeezing a sausage up a hose?"

"No!" said Goku. "Hang on! I gotta idea! Stay here..." and with that Goku disappeared.

Dende turned to Piccolo who flinched under the young Namki's questioning stare. "Why did Ken grab Barbie's breasts, again?"

* * *

_You have just read the third version of my fiction. Original version published in 2-18-03._


End file.
